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Finding Connection in Menopause and How to Build a Supportive Community

clairefrombristol

Updated: Dec 23, 2024


A Woman standing alone next to a yellow chair in front of a still sea. She's wearing a long green coat and looks lonely

As we age, it can sometimes feel as if we are drifting away from the people and places that once made us, us.


As our children grow up, as our friends disperse, as colleagues change roles or organisations, and as our hobbies evolve, the daily or weekly ties of community can easily slip away. Add in a couple of years of pandemic, and it’s not a surprise that our sense of belonging has faded.


But the truth is, community remains more important than ever, especially as we navigate through menopause.


Creating a supportive network is crucial for maximising the benefits of menopause in our daily lives.


So why might community be so important during menopause?


On a really basic level, as we go through menopause, our hormones fluctuate and decrease.


One of these fluctuating hormones, oestrogen, in turn, leads to a drop in another hormone, oxytocin.


This hormone, often known as the love hormone, is what makes us feel attachment and love, for example, for our children or pets.


Don't let lowered oxytocin get you down


A drop in oxytocin during menopause can be responsible for us sometimes feeling detached from the things we love. Knowing that this happens and instead of allowing ourselves to feel detached, we can create or maintain a sense of connection with others as an important part of moving through such a tricky stage.


A community, whether in person or online, can help reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness, particularly those associated with feeling alone in our menopause journey.


Equally, as we age, without extra attention and effort, our social circles often tend to get smaller. By consciously building a community of people around us, we create a sense of friendship, belonging, and togetherness that is comforting, joyous and empowering.


Beyond good vibes, community also provides practical benefits, especially when it comes to advice and support from people sharing a similar experience. Similarly, having a friend to turn to during challenging times can significantly impact one's decision to persevere alone or to join a group.


So, how can we go about finding or creating community as we go through menopause?


And does that community have to be about menopause?


Here are a few ideas to get you started:


two photos: the first shows two women at a tennis club, both smiling and one holding a tennis racquet. The second photo shows two smiling women at a traditional fete holding a cake and a tea pot


Join a club


Yes, you might not have done this for many, many years, and it might feel very much out of your comfort zone, but find a club or organisation that either aligns with your interests or offers an activity that interests you.


Whether it's a writing club, a walking group, or planting trees in the local area, finding a community of people who share your passions or approach to life can be a great way to start feeling like part of a group. You are not required to be an expert or discuss menopause.


Get familiar with your neighbourhood


Look out for local events to go along to.


All neighbourhoods offer something, be it a summer fete, a concert, or just a meeting at the village hall. Becoming part of the local community brings you into immediate contact with those neighbours you might never have met.


In the modern world of Zoom meetings and international travel, joining the local community might feel twee, but it’s a surefire way to help you feel more at home, wherever you are.


Learn something new


You don’t need to go back to school, but learning a new skill or subject is a wonderful way of building a network of people around yourself. It almost doesn’t matter what it is - art might be a tad cliche, but there is great conversation to be had while washing brushes!


You don’t even have to learn something new - taking a class to rediscover a subject from your school days might be just the ticket. The shared experience of learning together will bring you together in a very satisfying way.


The first image is a woman sitting on a chair with a lap top, the second two women painting and the third is a smiling woman on the phone

Start your own


What if there is nothing nearby? If nothing appeals to you, you could always consider starting your own group or organisation. It could be something as simple as a menopause social (yes, they exist, and yes they are wonderful - in fact, that’s how I got started building my own community!) a Women's Institute or just a monthly walking group.


Creating your own group puts you right in the centre - only do this if you won’t find it stressful, though!


Dig out your phone book


Sometimes, all you might need is a chat with an old friend. We all have them - friends who mean the world to us but that we never get round to calling. Yes, it might have been a while, but they do want to hear from you.


Picking up the phone and having a chat can lead to all sorts of togetherness.


Set up a WhatsApp group


If you can never find the time to meet up with those important to you, consider setting up a group of friends on WhatsApp. There’s nothing quite like the hilarity of a shared joke with people that you love. A WhatsApp group makes it easy to drop a quick ‘hi, here’s my dog’ message without committing to a meetup or schedule.

A teal box with the words: come and join our menopause handout on it

The Old Favourite, Facebook


While Facebook may not be the most popular social media platform, groups on the platform offer an excellent opportunity to engage with others. Our Menopause Social Hangout group on Facebook is a great way to join in conversations about menopause, ask questions, or even just loiter around the edges without contributing.


There are lots of ways to build a community around you, and these suggestions are simply that: ideas to help you find something that works for you.


The key to this aspect of menopause is to remember that while you might not feel like you need a community, or you might not yet feel any need for anyone else, the simple truth is we all need a community around us. Take some time to find yours, however slowly, and you’ll be glad you did.


If you are on Facebook, do come and join the Hangout and sign up to our newsletter to receive more posts and tips for menopause.


With love and community,


Lauren

Your Coach, Trainer and Speaker

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